YOU KNOW YOUR OVER THE HILL WHEN ...



*   Your back goes out but you stay home.

* You and your teeth don't sleep together.

* You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you're not wearing any.

* At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

* When you wake up looking like your drivers license picture.

* It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

* When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

* When happy hour is a nap.

* When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.

* When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

* When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

* You go to step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

* Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

* It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

* Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

* Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

* The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

* Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.

* The twinkle in your eye is only a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

* The iron in your blood turns to lead in your pants.

* It takes twice as long to look half as good.

* If everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

* If your house catches fire and the first thing you grab is your metamucil.

* You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

* You get two invitations to go out on the same night and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.

* You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

* You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

* You get to the check out line, see how long it is, and decide what you have in your buggy isn't worth the wait.

* You have more patience, but actually it's just that you don't care anymore.

* Rocking in a rocking chair feels like a roller coaster ride.

* You confuse having a 'clear conscience' with a bad memory.

* You finally 'get your head together' and your body starts falling apart.

  * You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

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