YOU KNOW YOUR OVER THE HILL WHEN ...
* Your back goes out but you stay home.
* You and your teeth don't sleep together.
* You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you're not wearing any.
* At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
* When you wake up looking like your drivers license picture.
* It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
* When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
* When happy hour is a nap.
* When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
* When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
* When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
* You go to step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
* Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
* It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
* Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
* Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
* You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
* The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
* Getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.
* The twinkle in your eye is only a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
* The iron in your blood turns to lead in your pants.
* It takes twice as long to look half as good.
* If everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
* If your house catches fire and the first thing you grab is your metamucil.
* You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
* You get two invitations to go out on the same night and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
* You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
* You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
* You get to the check out line, see how long it is, and decide what you have in your buggy isn't worth the wait.
* You have more patience, but actually it's just that you don't care anymore.
* Rocking in a rocking chair feels like a roller coaster ride.
* You confuse having a 'clear conscience' with a bad memory.
* You finally 'get your head together' and your body starts falling apart.
* You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.